This week I went to a Pastors appreciation conference. It was put together very well. I felt a bit like a spy because I am technically NOT a pastor yet. Either way, I was invited and so I went!
The speaker was Darren Whitehead, formally of Willow Creek. His text was out of Hab 3:2.
Hab 3:2 “O LORD, I have heard the report of you, and your work, O LORD,
do I fear. In the midst of the years revive it;
in the midst of the years make it known;
in wrath remember mercy.” (ESV)
In his message he shared a lot of stories of what God has done in his life.
He shared stories of how he got to the U.S.
He shared stories of how God has helped his recent church plant in Nashville, TN.
Listening to him share his heart for God to be known and what it means to stand in awe of God there was this painful question that lurked in the back of my mind….
“Do I believe God is big enough to do those things in my life?”
In my heart I exclaimed, “YES!”
Cognitively, (which is where I spend most of my time)
I am not sure how sold I am on the concept. I know I should be shot for such a statement but please give me a moment to explain.
I believe in the power and wonder of God. I believe He can do whatever He so desires. I believe He will see His will fulfilled and it will be done efficiently.
I have a hard time believing He wants to us me.
I rely too much on myself. I lean too much to the god of my understanding and experience. I trust in my fallible and broken flesh box more the eternal infallible God of the earth.
I tend to pray in weak, open-ended, generic ways. I fear to ask specifics.
I fear God won’t answer. I fear God will answer in a way I don’t like. I fear He just doesn’t care about my petty prayers.
While listening to Darren share his life experiences something hit me.
What if I don’t see God move in power because my motive is MY glory and not HIS?!?!?!?
As painful as it may be to consider this question….it needs to be pondered.
I fear in my own life, at times, I am more concerned with my own vain glory rather than seeing God’s glory shine upon the streets of the city I now call home.
Sometimes in ministry I become too mechanical. I become too professional. I become too self reliant. I end up becoming too content with, “ok,” ministry because I do not ask or seek God to move in power.
Vanity is a weight I cant carry, only God is able to bear the weight of glory. Fame will ruin me.
So this week I made a decision. I am going to pray specific prayers. I am going to ask God to answer prayers that are not ambiguous but direct. I am going to pray for things BIGGER than me that only GOD can answer.
I am going to also begin the process of detoxing my pursuit of my glory. (prayer would be welcomed)
It wont be simple but the Christian walk isn’t simple.
Anyways, I hope that gives you something to ponder…….
What do you think? Do you struggle in this area?
Share some thoughts and let’s start a dialogue!