Breaking Toilets…

I walked into the bathroom to examine the scene of the crime. As I took prints, and made a chalk outline of deceased lid, I got a clear understanding of what happened. My mom broke the toilet.


So, my parents came to visit last week. During one of our myriad of conversations, my mom informed me that I needed to write something about my loving and sweet parents. Now, if you know my mom, she is not one to hide what she is thinking. I know in her heart she was joking. However, my momma asked me to do something, so here goes. giphy6

My parents decided to plan their trip during one of my bride’s chemo rounds. This would provide us with help during the tough days that follow chemotherapy, and a much needed emotional boost. In my mind, it was a win. There is something reassuring about having family near. Living 14 hrs away from home makes it very difficult to jump in the car and head to the Boot (That would be Louisiana for all the non Cajuns reading this.). So, it was a wondrous treat for my family to take time to come see us.

My parents came separately. Before everyone begins asking the inevitable questions, “Are they okay?” Yes, they are. My dad owns his own business, and could not take off a week and a half. My mom is a retired school teacher, and has more freedom to hang out with us in the Queen City.

My mom arrived the weekend before chemo. As we were heading out to the airport, Eli got really excited. He began telling us all the things he would be able to do with his Nanna. One of which is running around naked. He was overly joyed that Nanna would not have a problem with him being, “naked boy,” for a while. This, in his book, is vital to life. If you don’t like him being naked, he doesn’t have time for you. At least the boy has priorities.

My dad arrived the day after chemo. When we got to the airport he had just landed. Eli was once again filled with adrenaline and excitement. The only problem was, Pop Pop took too long. As we waited in the lobby for my dad to come up the escalator at CVG, Eli passed the time by laying on the floor and declaring to the world that he was bored. Soon enough, Pop Pop was seen from a distance and Eli took off like a jackrabbit to give him a hug. Watching my son embracegiphy7 my dad, seeing them both smile and giggle, was intoxicating. I couldn’t help but smile as they laughed and said, “ham,” to each other.

There are a tons of stories I could tell about our adventures over the past week. However, some are just to risqué to share in this blog. Just kidding. I wish I could say there was never a dull moment in our house, but that would be a lie. My family tends to enjoy just being around each other and watching movies. We passed the days exploring our wondrous city, grabbing food at local spots Andrea and I love, and binge watching Making a Murderer on Netflix. The jury is still out on what really happened.

In the midst of all our grand adventures, something really funny occurred; my mom broke our toilet. When the fatal cracking of the lid occurred, I was working downstairs. While sitting in my pseudo-office and trying to get some work done, I heard this loud crash and scream. My mind began to race. As I quickly climbed the stairs, I opened the door from our basement to see my mom and dad examining the toilet. They were discussing the possibility of fixing the porcelain throne’s lid or buying a new one.

I walked into the bathroom to examine the scene of the crime. As I took prints and made a chalk outline of deceased lid, I got a clear understanding of what happened. My mom broke the toilet. In an attempt to save my son from a tretchorous bug flying around, she accidentally knocked over a candle. The candle cascaded down from the its place on the shelf and kissed the lid of toilet.

Apparently, the toilet lid had no chance. In its old age, it could not handle the wild thrashing from the candle. Bath and Bodyworks sure makes some sturdy decorations, because the candle was not phased. It looked back at the toilet lid and mocked the porcelain. The candle was fine. Parts of the toilet lid lay bare upon the ground and it’s chipped carcass displayed for all to see. We took a moment to stand in silence, mourning the sad state of affairs, and then got to work figuring out what to do.

As we stood encapsulated by the sad remains of the lid, we all discussed what to do next. At first, my mom offered to glue everything back together. I told her that would not work; there were just too many pieces and it would not look right. My dad and I discussed plans to go to the store. We figured we could find a lid that was somewhat similar. Then we realized, most stores don’t have toilet lids laying around. We would have to buy a brand new toilet. This was a grim reality. For a moment, I had flashbacks to the last time I installed a new toilet. It was not pretty. giphy8

In a moment of shear genius, my dad consulted the greatest source of knowledge known to modern man: he searched Google. As we watched the little blue bar cross his mobile screen, we were filled with anticipation. We didn’t know what to expect. Then, a miracle happened. There, glowing back at us through the ambient light of a small screen, was the answer to our problems. We found our savior and it’s name is Who knew there was a company just for people like us.

The toilet lid is not fixed. The new lid is on it’s way to our house and will soon adorn it’s new home. Until then, we wait with exceeding joy for it’s arrival. It will be sad to see the old one go. It has been with us for a few years, and we have grown fond of it. That white top has faithfully held candles and scented spray for as long as we have known it. However, it’s time upon this earth has come to an end because of a vicious and unneeded attack from a candle.

As silly as the story may sound, it is moments like these that remind us that life doesn’t stop because of Ole Scruffy. He may have the power to cause angst and frustration throughout my bride’s body, but he cannot keep us from moving forward. Whether it’s broken toilet lids or just going out to eat with my parents, life still has moments of laughter and joy. In an odd way, it gives us fun memories of this time. It allows us to giggle at the randomness of being, and will give us something to talk about one day when we stand on the deck of a boat and #LookTowardstheSea.

Join the discussion...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s